Inner Peace

Ever wonder what inner peace consists of?  Sometimes the best inner peace I get is using cookies as a spoon to eat ice cream.  Don’t judge.  

While browsing social media the other day, I noticed it has become a world filled with bragging about life or short videos of people doing idiotic things.  This caused me to wonder why so many are posting so much into a world of make believe.  I will admit to being a very private person.  Finding videos of me dancing in my bathroom will be difficult.  Did any of these people think to maybe clean their bathrooms prior to taking a video?  I’m digressing.  My point—It is hard to find happiness, as well as peace within ourselves.  It is impossible to find it anywhere else.  No matter how many likes social media give you.  

People often place so much importance on a person’s credentials, financial means and or their career positions, however, what stands out the most is how we perceive ourselves.

Perpetual happiness is not associated with something we own. It is associated with who we really are.  It doesn’t matter if a vehicle has an amazing exterior if there is no engine under the hood.  

“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.” – Gary Allan

Until we learn and understand life is a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see, think and feel—we will never know calm and quiet.   The noise will continue to cause grief.  

I am a person who has always been my harshest critic.  Now, for those of you who have heard people say this before, when I say I was my harshest critic.  I took this beyond most levels.  Criticizing myself became an obsession.  There were times the simple task of looking in a mirror was difficult.  In 2010, someone called me “arrogant” because they misunderstood a simple sentence I stated.  Arrogance—that was ripe.  If arrogant meant tearing oneself apart to a point of a melt down—then I’ll own the word. 

Please allow me to digress—I’ve nearly died—twice.   When you are bouncing on the line of life it will give you a profound emotional experience.  Compound this with being on that line at the hand of another human—there are numerous additional adjectives which come into play.  If you survive—your outlook on life becomes simplistic.  The way you look at relationships—who you allow in your life—what you spend time doing—all become very calculated.  Physically healing, your body will do the job for you—mentally you must do the work.  The mind is extremely powerful.  

Every day I wake up grateful.  Thankful to see another day.  Amazed by life—nature.  I workout multiple times a day.  Humbled my body is strong enough to do so.  Life is fragile.  The minute we forget this—it will slap us.  This year a close friend died two days before my birthday.  A childhood friend was diagnosed with a cataclysmic disease four days after my birthday.  Why do I mention this? Death and disease do not care what station in life you think you have.  Nor when your birthday falls. Be humble.  Be kind.   Be thankful for the simple things.  Every new year is a blessing no matter your age.  

You can’t calm the storm called life—stop trying. However, you do have the ability to calm yourself. Realizing whatever storm you are in— will pass. The storm might be strong and chaotic now—but it can’t storm forever.

So let’s talk about over analyzing.  Ya’all I don’t dabble in the shallow end of the pool.  Diving head first into the deep end overthinking everything to the worst possible degree is my expertise.  My most difficult hurdle? Realizing what happened— is over.  It’s done.  And it happened that way for a reason.  A reason, no matter the analyzing, you may never know.  

I absolutely struggled to accept this.  To a point my inner peace was gone.  We can look at things philosophical and state nothing happens by chance.  Call it whatever you want—measure or explain however you like—at the end of the road whatever did happen you can’t lose your peace of mind over it.  

My grandmother used to tell me, “What someone thinks about you is none of your business.”  Truer words have never been spoken.  People have the right to their opinions and you have the right to ignore those opinions.  Opinions are noise.  They are only as loud as we afford them to be.

Don’t believe me?  There is a man in my hometown.  He has had many failed relationships and marriages.  MANY.  Yet nothing is his fault.  There is an excuse for everything.   He is addicted to Hallmark movies while only capable of a Lifetime movie.  The last conversation he and I had, he was going on and on about how he wanted his adult child closer.  Until said child finally moved closer.  To a town which is a cesspool.  My mistake?  Saying the town is a cesspool.  Crime per capita is higher than Chicago.  It’s not “if” you will be harmed by it—it’s so bad there it’s a matter of “when” you will be.  Drama ensued.  He catapulted from the facts on the city to him being accused of being a bad parent.  What?  Remember—zero accountability.  Next thing I know numerous people are texting me his ignorant comment on social media.  “Don’t tell me how to raise my kids when I didn’t ask you.”  Or something along those lines.  How did we get from crime in a city to it being all about them and their parenting skills? Dramatic people are dangerous.  Suddenly he was a victim who required everyone on social media to read his drama and “side” with him.  If you choose to be a victim—you will be.  He and I have not spoken since.  Could I have responded or countered the attack?  Maybe.  Did I want to?  Not at all.  Anyone believing his lunacy at this point is on their own.  He became noise in my world.  I surround myself with solid functioning people.  Not victims.  

My childhood taught me to roll with the punches.  Never complain.  Work harder.  Set goals.  When you achieve those goals—set higher ones.  

After years of beating myself up (which I am an expert at), the turning point in my world was realizing how people treat you is simply a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.  Truly, it has zero to do with you.  Do not take things personally.  Haters don’t really hate you.  They hate their own shortcomings.  It is much easier to outwardly criticize someone than to work on themself.  The town gossip typically would rather talk about others than do the work to better themself.  No one—and I mean no one are perfect.  If they want to hate, let them do so.  Bees do not explain honey to flies swarming around a pile of manure.  They simply enjoy their lives.  Think about this.  If you have to explain to people your value—those aren’t your people.

The most dangerous people are the weak and non humble overcompensating for their shortcomings and willing to defend the lies to the bitter end like a cornered feral animal. They aim to destroy anything and everyone around them to feel better about themself.  If they tear you down—then they can feel better about their shortcomings.  Step back and allow them to self destruct—keep their negativity from absorbing into you.  

Another very valuable lesson —It is not your job to change people you love to what you think they should be. They are who they are.  Conversely—if they don’t love you—nothing you change about yourself will cause them to love you.  Had I realized this earlier in life my head and my heart would have been spared a ton of pain.  

Toxic people are toxic no matter their title.  When someone says, “they’re my blood” or “they are blood”—I cringe.  Ever heard “blood is thicker than water”?  It amazes me how things get twisted in translation.  The saying actually is, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”.  Translation?  Those who are loyal to you not only to your face—but stand fierce with you when you are not there to defend yourself—those who always guard your six—those are your tribe.  Toxic family are the greatest evil because they can and will destroy you if you allow it.  

Everyone who are breathing air have problems.  Problems are not for fighting.  Problems are for solving.  Mindset.  It will strengthen or destroy you.  An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it breaches into the inside of the ship.  Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t destroy you unless you allow it to get inside you.  Remember the victim I mentioned earlier?  While they were declaring fabrications on social media—while everyone were declaring their acceptance of the nonsense—I was traveling with friends to go diving at a destination they were begging people (again on social media) to travel to with them.  No one volunteered.  As the saying goes, “Thou doth profess too much”.   The truth always reveals.

No one is better than anyone else and my heart is sad for those people who think they are. No matter how big your house is, how new your car is, or how much money sits in your bank account – we all bleed red and will eventually fade from this earth. Death has no discrimination and neither should your life.  Be kind to others. Stop the power tripping. An oversized ego won’t get you anywhere.  The strongest, most lethal people are those who are skilled at the sword yet never reveal it.  

You can take gravel and let it grind you to rubble.  Or, you can put it in a shell and make a pearl.  Your choice.  You can be a victim whining about life on Facebook.  Or go out and squeeze every ounce of life out of every day.  Your choice.

Don’t change who you are for people who will criticize you to subside their insecurities.  

Mindset is everything.  Two children were placed in a room filled with manure.  One child sat screaming. “It smells in here! What is going on!”  Crying uncontrollably.  The other child ran through the room—digging—excited and laughing.  A huge smile of anticipation on their face.  The upset child exclaimed to the happy child, “What are you doing?  You’re getting yourself covered in this smelly stuff!”  The happy child while rooting and looking around yelled, “There has to be a pony here somewhere!” 

Mindset.  Focus.  Changes perspective on life. 

Keep smiling—Keep Laughing—and definitely keep looking for the pony!

Stay healthy!