New Year/Solid Mindset
The book is nearly closed for 2023. The week between Christmas and the New Year is what I term as “Hybernation” week, as no one seem to be working. Except for retail. Their Super Bowl happens at the holidays. As I reflect back over the past few years, it’s been a long haul for most. One could deem this the “roaring 20’s”, however completely opposite of the 1920’s when the economy was booming….the 2020’s would be defined as hysterical and unstable. Please allow me to digress and reflect over the past few years.
We went through what felt like 9000 days of the great pandemic shutdown of 2020. There is a saying that goes, “It’s easy for people to be wonderful in good times, but it’s the rough times true character surfaces.” All kinds of character came out with the nationwide shutdown. We learned adults had no idea how to wash their hands, a ton of people melted down without social contact and if you create enough fear in some—they won’t leave their house—ever. Looking back some facts still seem like a Hollywood parody.
Think about it. There were people hoarding toilet paper in mass quantities. Apparently, their households require hundreds of rolls of toilet paper. What was going on in those houses? Grab any item in quantity in front of these people —they will hysteria purchase it too. These are the characters who would believe aliens are invading and grab their toilet paper as they run into the closet for safety.
Some characters were very cautious, staying in quarantine and making sure they did their part to keep the vicious COVID19 from filling their lungs with mucous similar to concrete. This group remained confined for so long they were making videos for social media to proclaim what day it was—what they made to eat for the day—home workouts— do it yourself haircuts—food prep . There are videos of everything from clipping toenails (Ick) to styling your hair. Who was styling their hair while in quarantine? Ponytail—headband—done. No hat needed. Just add sweats.
There was the group who in spite of all of the information from the CDC—could not quite grasp the concept of pathogen transfer. These are the characters who beyond all reasonable doubt needed an old fashioned “attitude adjustment”. I guess it’s true—you can’t fix stupid. Society couldn’t keep it in quarantine either.
The characters who were all stressed out, yet doing their best to act normal were the true poker players. They walked amongst us with a smile on their face —all the while gritting their teeth in sheer panic. Their minds passing from one individual to another, wondering if THAT person would be the one to infect them. Calm on the outside—anxiety and panic on the inside.
Lastly—my character type. We take things one situation at a time. Deep breaths get us through the tough days. Getting knocked down is something we know well. While down, we take the time to reset—prioritize our purpose—sometimes that means prioritizing the people in our lives too. My group doesn’t only make lemonade—but lemon pie—bread—cake —and anything else we can think of to use all of the lemons. Waste not-Want not! If you don’t do this when life or an idiot throw you down—it’s a wasted opportunity. In this case—the entire world stopped—shut down—shifted. This personality type did not waste the opportunity to look deep within themself — tune up anything inside needing adjustment.
Fast forward to 2023. It is termed as “post pandemic”. Not sure any of us truly know the exact definition of what this is at this point.
The last few years have been a real slog.
And there doesn’t seem to be any relief in sight.
The turning of the New Year brings nostalgia to some—regret to others. Although the world changes the number on January 1st, our individual new year begins on our birthday each year. Just as we count the first 2 years of life in months (something I’ll never understand—why is it a child is 18 months and not 1 1/2 years? Why are they not 48 months old? Because these are things my brain wonders about) I’m digressing. Back to my point. For those of you, like me, who have made your reputation, the good and the bad, through blood, sweat and tears. Never shying away from a hard days work. Be proud of what you have accomplished. As for me, it was important to maintain my integrity and my principles. Even when those I worked with had the lowest integrity. Sometimes we must have the strength to walk away from environments counter cultural to our core. Don’t get me wrong, I made mistakes and tried to learn from them. I’ve laughed—and cried. My heart ached and it was warm with love. I was grateful for both. I have friends of every walk of life and if you’re in my circle, it is understood I have your back. A friend recently told me she never had to turn around to see if I had her back as she knew I always had her six. Loyalty, Integrity and Trust. Best compliments you could get in my book.
There were frustrating points of 2023 —people telling us we needed to “spread the wealth” to people who don’t have our work ethic. People who have sacrificed nothing and feel entitled to receive everything. Where were the entitled when I was hauling hay? Oh yes, they were partying with their friends. Again I’m digressing.
A couple of months ago, I noticed a few wealthy athletes and entertainers giving diatribes on television as if their opinions matter to the common human. They need to understand their station. Would you listen to a diatribe opinion from a teenager? I’m guessing the answer to that is no. So why does anyone give merit to an entertainer or athlete with an opinion. Their expertise is not typically what they are babbling about. As if any of them could even pretend they can relate to the life and bank account of most people. Entitlement in any form, wealthy or poor, is disgusting.
This year brought about the groups demanding we accept the latest fad or politically correct stupidity or befriending a group that’s intent on killing anyone who won’t convert to their point of view. Baffling.
You’re probably wondering why I mention this negativity. It is simple. With everything we are abundantly irritated by, there are always wonderful things around us. You reap what you sow and so do your children. So focus on the amazing things around you.
No one are entitled to anything. You have a choice to work, a choice to stay off drugs, a choice to make something of yourself. Your choice is —yours— and has nothing to do with anyone else. That’s all on you.
This year, while visiting my hometown, I ran into someone I know. Someone who judges beyond measure. Religious type. You know the kind. Hide behind religion while judging and criticizing everyone else. Yeah those. When we were kids I was chubby. Isn’t it funny how women throw insults? Bank shot. “Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl for maximum impact. Why?
It was devastating as a child. As an adult, I think differently. Is ‘fat’ really the worst adjective a human being can be described as? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’,’ignorant’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me—but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being in the corporate world earning my living by using my brain.
Anyway back to my story, while visiting my hometown this year, I bumped into a classmate I hadn’t seen for years. The first thing she said to me? “You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!”
“Well,” I said, slightly nonplussed, “the last time you saw me I’d just graduated high school.”
What I felt like saying was, “I’ve lived all over this country making a name for myself in the corporate world—earning respect and my seat at the table. In addition, I’m writing a book which I hope to have published at some point. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my weight or dress size?” But no – I was noticeably thinner! Let’s celebrate the success!
We have created a skinny-obsessed world of females who are empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones capable of three things. Counting calories—lifting weights—taking selfies for social media. Forget about independent, intelligent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things more important than ‘thin’. Frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has bigger thighs than they do. Why does it matter?
I’ll step off of my soapbox now.
Whether it’s weight or some other judgement, we all have scars be it internal—external—or both. Never be ashamed of a scar. It only is a symbol you are stronger than what tried to hurt you. It didn’t break you. Positive is always a better option than dark and negative!
If you happen to be a negative person that would rather swim in diarrhea. Well—you are your own type of crazy with a side of coo coo cachoo aren’t you then?
Those of you who like to see positive elements—please keep reading.
Now where was I? Oh yes—positive thinking. No matter what you do—no matter how hard you work—no matter the level of your try—there will always be a negative darkness standing there to judge—doubt you—talk bad about you. Just smile and make the best decisions you can based on the facts you have at the time. I stopped explaining— rather defending myself because the realization hit me that people understand only what they want to. It’s not necessarily based on any facts.
If you’re an analyzer brain like me—we break it down in our minds. To understand the rationale—the why—the what—the how. To judge ourselves from others’ vantage points is not necessary. We are experts at doing this on our own!
An example—I once was told a cake was dry. My brain immediately went to the why. I asked, “was the cake made from a mix or from scratch?” Which immediately prompted a harsh, “That’s a stupid question! How dumb is that! What a dumb question!” What I heard was, “You’re an idiot! You moron!” When in actuality, my question wasn’t dumb at all but part of a methodical analyzer question. If the cake was dry—my first thought to start the process was mix or scratch—scratch maybe too much flour—mix maybe baked too long—the person I was speaking to could have responded “let’s not break it down, it doesn’t matter” and all would have been fine. Instead, the violent reaction caused me to pause—doubt myself—and think maybe I was dumb. Before the conversation could continue — I heard “I’m hanging up.” Several seconds passed—I sat in silence staring at the floor. Thinking to myself, “Am I dumb?” Was my question dumb or had the person who angered at such a simple question been off kilter in their perception. How people act defines who they are —how we react to their behavior is what defines ourselves. We only have control of one side of that equation.
Everyone’s individual perception is their reality. If they choose to think negatively or positively of us—it’s not within our control.
Don’t believe me? Ever watched a parent with their child? That’s perception vs reality in its truest form. That child could be eating paint but to that parent they have the brains to achieve a double doctorate and win the next Nobel Prize.
Stop explaining yourself —people understand only what they want. You can’t fix them with self hate or by defending yourself. Their perception is their reality no matter what you do. All you can do is identify the filters through which you view the world. Your opinion and perception of yourself —do not confuse those with facts and truths. Change your perception of things and you will change your reality. Never let anyone change those for you. Celebrity, Athlete or otherwise.
As Robert Bolano states, “People see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth”
My grandmother used to say, “never overlook the simplest sound of a bird—or flower most think of as a weed—if you can see beautiful things in humble places, where others see nothing, then you are granted a gift few people know.”
So as 2024 moves closer, remember in the New Year a few pertinent perspectives:
Life isn’t fair, but it’s still amazing
When in doubt, just take the next small step
Life is short—enjoy every second
You don’t have to win every argument.
Stay true to yourself
Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present
Appreciate the person who will listen to you cry—and let you know you’re ok because they have your back
Take a deep breath—it calms the mind
Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is about
If a relationship has to be a secret— you shouldn’t be in it
Over prepare —then go with the flow
Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger
It’s never too late to be happy—But it’s all up to you and no one else
When it comes to going after what you love in life—don’t take no for an answer
Never let other people’s limited perception define who you are. Ask yourself, “what is essential now?”
As John Wayne so eloquently stated, “Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday.”
Make it so!
Stay healthy!
Have an amazing New Year!