Connection

My grandmother and I planted a tree at my family’s farm when I was 6.  She said it would grow and give shade to our family for the rest of our lives.  Growing up in rural America, where trees are few and far between, that tree isn’t very big to this day, but the little shade it offers, warms my heart every time I’m home.  

Connection.  

Whether it be to a tree, a house, an animal or a human.  Connection is a huge part of who we are.  

Robin Williams once said, “I think the people who have experienced the greatest sadness are the ones who always put the hardest effort to make others happy. Because they know in their flesh what it feels like to feel desolate and down and they don’t want anyone else to feel that way.”  

My grandfather used to tell me to never drive a vehicle I couldn’t push.  Of course my analyzer brain took it much deeper to create a life theory.  In life, we hold things—let them weigh us down mentally and emotionally—to a point we can’t carry it.  To a point we disconnect. Never let the weight of your life hold you in a dark place.  What you can’t control— let go.  

There is a saying, holding on to anger is like drinking cyanide to spite your enemy.  Sometimes we fall into a dark place and don’t even realize it.  I have personal experience in this arena.  For years I compartmentalized the weight of a severe trauma which happened to me at a young age.  In my mind, if you smashed it into a corner of your brain —locked it down—ignored it—didn’t talk about it—then it never happened.  A few years ago, one of the most amazing people I know, my Aunt, was the only person who saw the weight I was buried under.  When I finally forced myself to disclose to her what happened, it had become so heavy I had to text as I couldn’t vocalize it.  The day she told me about a “God box”, I remember thinking how ridiculous it sounded.  For those of you who aren’t very spiritual or religious, you might think so too.  However, cue the analyzer brain.  It’s more a way of letting things go.  Things you can’t control.  If you’re like me, you actually have to purchase a small wooden box (with a latch), a cube of paper and physically write it down.  Folding the paper, opening the lid, dropping the paper in and slamming the lid down has a sense of gratification to it.  I do believe there is a higher power watching over us.  Whether that is God or the Universe or whatever you believe in, the gratification of letting go of what is out of your control to a higher power who you believe can control it is unbelievably refreshing.  It can also be painful if you slam the lid so hard it cuts your finger.  But that’s a different problem. 

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they disconnect while watching their whole world fall apart, and yet they have no control. It’s not the shattering itself that breaks you—it’s the silence that follows— the quiet space where you realize there’s nothing left to salvage. And in that moment, you know that you’ll never be the same again. It is in this disconnection we realize how important connection is.

One day you realize happiness is not what your house looks like, but how you love the people within its walls. It’s not having a large bank account, or thinking you’ve won the world’s approval.  It’s about waking up each day with a peace within your own skin.  Unconcerned with how you are perceived by anyone other than your inner circle.  It’s finding the silver linings that remind us of an amazing life and how lucky we are to see the light of each day.  It’s the connections we have with other living beings. 

So then what makes a connection with humans work?

Is it one big thing, or a lot of little things. 

Is it the need for companionship or the desire for fun?

Is it the honest moments, or the intimate moments

Is it the real life moments that push us— test us—deepen us

Connection—That’s what makes relationships work.  

Everything we do stems from whether we can make that connection work.  The stronger the connection—the more intense the relationship.

My mother has always said if her daughter would connect to a human like I have with my horses and dogs, her worries would be over.  I do connect better with my animals.  Why?  Maybe because animals are innocent—genuine—they have no other motive but to love the human who loves them back.  They accept me flaws and all—and I them.  It’s safe—warm—calming.

Honest—Open—Loyal connections are by far the most powerful.  They allow us to feel safe—calm—whole.

We live in a society that no longer has time for complex connections.  We have synthetics but not clarity—speed but not efficiency—information but not knowledge.  In general, we know too much and too little because we are no longer able to understand connection.  

Embrace the powerful connections.  Walk away from the others.  You can not turn a rock into a flower.  You look past it to see the beauty of the flower.  

Someone once asked me how I walked over glass and through fire—yet still smile.  

Connection —

Those who have lived and died a few times—have had their heart ripped out — who know what it feels like to lose everything in their life —including themself

Those people bring an honest trust because they stand for something 

They don’t judge —instead they wish to offer a hand or an ear 

They wish to bring connection to minimize other’s pain

Because they have survived they understand the importance of 

Honest—Open—Loyal—

Connection