Be a Jackass!

What’s love got to do with it?  Tina Turner put this to a tune.  Men say it confused standing next to women daily.  Females dissect this statement with precision analytics.

Covid has changed the trajectory of so many things in society.  When quarantine locked everyone down, the social media perfect relationships exploded like an over cooked hard boiled egg.

It’s easier to have a wonderful relationship when each can go about living their lives independently, yet together.  When quarantine locks you down like a caged animal—that’s when the rubber meets the road on whether or not your partner is a friend or that annoying kid on the playground who won’t stop kicking the back of your shoes while you walk.

Watch the memes pop up on Facebook.  They give a telling story.  One couple I know had daily posts with snuggle up pics.  You know the ones—if you’re single they make you feel like the last survivor on an island of spinsters.  They caption the sappy pics with, “never give up on love—we found it!”  and “I love you Hun!”  Within a couple of months these same people start posting memes captioned with, “Never live with a Narcissist!” typically followed by a long poem.  Or, “With a broken heart I walk away to rebuild my soul.”  Eventually we find out the blissful, ecstatic couple have broken up.

This happens all of the time.  Social media is like watching a soap opera of every day life messes.  Why must you profess your undying love or anniversary wishes to someone who should be within arms reach away?   Why not profess to them—in private?  Have you ever heard the expression,”thou doth profess too much”?  If you have to profess it publicly, odds are there is a fly in the coffee.  Probably more the size of a palmetto bug.

My favorite train wreck to date, is a couple who have been married for 29 years.  The husband cornered into marriage by a pregnancy.  He will readily admit without hesitation, minus the pregnancy, he would never have married his wife.  The wife thinks they have a blissfully happy marriage.  While she is anxiously planning her birthday trip with him and their 30th Anniversary party—the husband dreads every moment with her.  He has been having sexual encounters with many stray women for years, all while pursuing another woman he considers his “total package”.  After many years of pursuing his “total package”, this woman finally looks his way.  A love affair begins.  One day he pops up on his own proclaiming he is leaving his wife.  The total package is elated, as he has her entire heart.   She loves him with every ounce of her existence.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the strength or mental toughness to actually pursue his dreams and be happy in life.  Eventually this builds to a point he blows up at the one woman he doesn’t want to lose and the “total package” walks away with a broken heart.  What happened to the marriage?  The wife, unaware of what has transpired, continues to happily plan her birthday trip and their 30th Anniversary celebration.  The husband, goes back to living in worse misery as now he knows love and lives without it.  Each of his days trying to bury his darkness within random sexual encounters.  Even though no other woman will ever fill the void he now feels, his pride is too strong to follow his heart.  He lets his one chance to have a full life—full heart—true happiness —shatter without an attempt to fix it.

Isn’t life an interesting intermix of complication ordered with 2 scoops of crazy finished with a side order of koo koo kachoo?

Why is the life motto of some people, “push away the pain—fill the void”?

So—What is love?  Marriage isn’t love.  Marriage is a business arrangement like an LLC.  Voice that in conversation sometime and watch what happens.  Some people lose their minds.  For some, marriage is the shackle that affords them the ability to entrap one person under their clutches with the inability to get away.  It is a life sentence of misery, lack of intimacy mixed with a daily drag of existence.

Marriage is a great institution—but are we really ready for an institution?

Ask yourself, “Am I thrilled with my life from now until death?”

If the answer is a resounding “no”—take your adversity to change and smash it into the ground.  Decide what truly makes you happy—don’t stop until you get it.

In the movie Serendipity—John Cusack’s character, Jonathan Trager, is sitting alongside his friend Dean.  Dean gives Jonathan an epiphany.  Men let their pride get in the way of their heart, whereby affording them nothing.  He states with indignation, “You are a JACKASS!”   He  then goes on, “You are my hero.  You’re like my Oracle. You’re out there, man, and you’re making it happen!”  Jonathan was following his heart, making a Jackass out of himself all for the woman he loved—for the love his heart desired.  This caused Dean to fully admire him.

Do people really understand what love is?  Not necessity or fear of being alone.  Actual true love.

Why do some love in a funnel?

Could love possibly have sub components?

Loyalty—Honesty—Trust

I live by these three words.

Loyalty—at the risk of sounding dramatic, I would take a bullet for anyone in my inner circle.  Anyone I love.  Anyone in my heart.  Without hesitation.  Never would I speak poorly of them.  That would be negative on myself as they are in my world.

Honesty—never ever, absolutely never lie to anyone in your heart.  One lie, creates doubt on everything past and present from that point on.

Trust—if you can’t trust someone with your life without question—why are they in your life?  The cornerstone of life is trust.  I’ve asked many people if they trust their partner.  It’s amazing the half excuses they come up with trying to convince themself they have trust when in reality, they don’t trust their partner with money, responsibility, or most importantly their life.  Yet they stay in hopeless misery—afraid of change.

In my world, I truly loved a man with my entire heart and soul.  I would have given my life for him.  His happiness made me happy.  His smile warmed my heart.  Unfortunately, life isn’t a Lifetime movie.  All endings aren’t always happy.  Simply put, he didn’t love me back.  As difficult as that is to process, we can’t make someone truly love us.

In the darkness of heartbreak, I was destroyed.  My soul cracked like a rock when water freezes in it.  There is only so much torture we can go through— the rest is just showing off.  It was within that darkness—I found strength.  Just like the caterpillar who thought the world was over when the cocoon closed up into darkness—suddenly there is light and they become a butterfly.

Never run from a struggle.  Love people whether they were there to teach you—or in your life to stay.

It doesn’t matter what you fake on social media.  It is what your actual life entails that matters.  How happy you are to wake up in the morning.  How amazing—breathtaking—your days are from sunrise to sunset.  How proud you are when you look at your partner and your heart fills with warmth and amazement.  I pity those who look at their partner in disdain.  Whose partners are detriments to their lives instead of enrichments.  Those partners whose only focus is themself.  What a cold, dark sentence that must be.  To live year after year with a person who not only does not warm your heart—but freezes your soul.

True love—real love—not the word but the action—the emotion— is an amazing thing.

If it’s love that unites us.  Sees us through.

It’s love that lifts us out of the dark.  When people put their lies on you—attack you—and try to take you out.  Remember to let the love of those around you carry you through.  Their love will shield you.

The truth is, ignorance and hate hold hands.  They try to blind you.  Smother.  They try to destroy the light of hope.  Our love can consume the darkness and drive out the hate.  That love might not change everyone.  Such as people who have never felt true, honest love.  Who want to intimidate—bully—puff out their chest in an attempt to make you run scared.

Sometimes in life we are forced into the darkness.  That light never fully goes dark.  If we breathe—stay focused on our strength—look for the light.  When you’re hiding certain things that you’re holding onto as shame—you push away the light—you push away the happiness.  You afford the darkness to overcome.  Your strength—your core—will catapult you back.

Marriage is not love.  Love is not an expression.  It is an action taken every day to make sure those special enough to have space within our most treasured asset—our heart—know their worth.  Make an effort every day to be the Oracle. To make things happen.

To be a “Jackass”.

Even if that means shoving our pride into a canister and showing vulnerability.  Let our hearts lead to diminish the fear of change.

Work hard until you get it right—then work harder until you can’t get it wrong.

No matter what life gives you—Give more back!

Strength with grace—Power with Poise.

Stay Healthy!