Life

It’s amazing how sports shape society.  While watching a football game over the weekend, my analyzer brain went into overdrive.  Whether collegiate or pro, there are always fans for each team.  Unlike little league, everyone will not walk away with the winner title.  Does it make sense to give everyone a ribbon when they are six—only to let reality and life hit them in the side of the head with winning and losing in high school?  Some of my employees still don’t understand.  I had a grown man proclaim, “That isn’t fair!” When his team didn’t have the same hours as another team.  When should we tell young adults life is not fair? 

Life is work.  Life is figuring out how to overcome failure—heartache—agony—and yet not let it darken our core.  Helicopter parents create Buttercups.  Then life happens.  Therapy does not force maturity.  Buttercups melt in the heat.

A friend of mine, who is raising four children, stated it hilarious one day.  “I’m just trying to not raise four little jerks and turn them out into the world!”  I laughed.  If only all parents thought this way.  

Everything changes.  It’s something we can count on.  Change.  You can adapt to change—or you can be the frog in the pot of water.  Everyone knows the frog story, right?  The one where the frog when dropped in a pot of boiling water, will immediately jump out.   Forced change. However, if you put the frog in the water then turn up the heat, the slow change of water temp will boil the frog as it won’t jump out.  Avoidance to change. To avoid change can be a dark place.  Life is Perspective.  Is the glass half full—half empty—or just needing to go in the dishwasher?  Wait—I’m digressing.  

Where was I?  Oh yes, sports and society.  

Some of my best life skills have come from sports.  Equestrian sports.  My horses taught me hard work, both physical and mental will pay off.   I can remember my first horse.  I was eight.  My dreams were small.— to compete at the county fair.  The pride and excitement when I checked into the show grounds were immeasurable.  If it were possible to burst from the inside out, it would have happened. 
This—was—life!  My parents knew nothing about horses.  So they couldn’t coach much, but they allowed me to follow my dream.  There were adults assigned to coach.  They called them,”leaders”.  They were two women whose children were also competing.  My first blush with leadership.  If only all leaders were good ones.  My first horse was not fancy.  But I loved him as if he were a Grand Prix jumper.  To me he was perfect.  That day the “leaders” and their children openly laughed at me.  Grown adults laughing at a child instead of helping them learn.  That day would forever set my life.  

Why do I tell you a story which happened so long ago?  Because life doesn’t always exist in harmony. It doesn’t always give trophies and participation ribbons.  Society is cruel.  We live amongst people whose idea of the golden rule is never to treat them as they horribly treat others.  

So what did I do when adults and children laughed at me in the middle of pursuing my dream?  That’s what is called a decision fork.  Two paths.  One would have been to bawl my eyes out and quit,  maybe even blame everyone else for my quitting.  That is the easy path.  The other path, and the one I chose, to work my butt off and become the equestrian I knew I could.  Now don’t go thinking I didn’t cry.  I bawled my eyes out in sheer embarrassment and pain for two days.  Everyone told me to quit—that I didn’t have to go back—Everyone.  Except a stranger who happened to be watching the show that day.  Who saw some kind of talent in the mess that was me.  Who spoke to my father and said he would coach this eight year old, timid, clueless girl—and he did. I vowed to come back every year thereafter and win every trophy in every class—and I did.   I literally flew back from nationally ranked shows to compete at my rural county fair.  Those who laughed at me—suddenly were intimidated by my skill.  Work hard—focus—work harder—eventually you’ll get there.  This kid from the middle of nowhere became an equestrian competing against some of the best in the country in venues in Vegas, DC and NY.  Believe—and you will achieve.  Years afterward—I donated over a decade of trophies back to the fair.  One of the kids who laughed at me years ago— accepted the trophies on behalf of the fair committee.  Life can be ironic.  

Why tell a story of my youth?  Because today I see too many people quitting without effort.   Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to never give yourself an option to quit.  Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.  What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.  Well done is always better than well said.  

Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it.”  Lou Holtz always has ways of making my brain think.  Then there is always Vince Lombardi, who eloquently states, “The quality of a man’s life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor.” 

Focus is key.  If you want to conquer your fears—go out and tackle them.  Don’t think about it.  For years I’ve had people criticize me for moving to places I knew no one.  “I could never do that!”  They say.  “I need my family and friends close.”  It does take grit to move to a new state—and City—knowing not a single person.  

You must keep your humor though.  On one occasion, while filling out a form for my company, the question asked who to call in case of emergency.  In parentheses it said, “must be local”.  So I put “Please call an ambulance”.   If they needed local contacts—I was going straight to the first responders.  HR wasn’t so thrilled with my humor.   

How you look at life impacts how life reacts to you.  Start romanticizing your life. Start believing your morning commute is cute and fun.  Believe every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had.  Look at the smallest, most mundane things as exciting—new—refreshing. The world becomes a much different place when you realize how bright the world really is.  In turn— you look forward to every day.   

The people surrounding you are a part of this.  I used to look out for people.  Now—I look out for people.  Read that a couple of times.  

Some people are going to love you no matter what you do and some people will never love you no matter what you do. No matter how hard you try.  Go where the love is.  Look inside and find where a person loves from. That’s the reality, not what they say.  What they do.  And for all that is good on this planet—Don’t fall in love with “potential”.  It is not up to you to morph someone into a partner—friend—colleague or human.  Take them for who they are from the start.  

A woman once told me, “Instead of dying with disappointment I’d rather deceit give me life.” In some ways I can see her point.  In another realm, it made me sad we have become a society whereby in desperation, people are ok with bad behavior to enhance their own life.  

Either way, you set the stage for your life.  To ask anyone to “make” you happy—calm—excited—or blame them for anxiety—anger—sadness or anything else, isn’t right.  You control — YOU.  

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  Lean on the people who you can trust.  

Set a dream and don’t let anyone laugh you out of it.  The right people will always see your potential.  The wrong people will always point out your flaws.  You decide which group surround you.  

“Fair” has nothing to do with it.  Life is what it is.  Stop trying to turn a pickle back into a cucumber.  Instead of being proud to be a pickle.  

People are in some ways like shoes.  The wrong pair will hurt—give you blisters—cause you to gimp—even cripple you.  However, the right pair can be empowering—exciting—give you the ability to stand tall!  The right shoes can change your life!  Don’t believe me—just ask Cinderella.  

Choose wisely.

Hold your head up—and strut!

Stay healthy!