Mantra 22 vs 23

New Year—New You—New Resolution.  Interesting statistic—80% of all New Year resolutions are broken by February.  Are people making resolutions because that’s the thing to do?  I remember when in college the saying was “if you don’t know who you’re going to marry by the time you graduate college the odds of getting hit by a bus are greater than walking down the aisle”.  What a charming thought.  That mere statement causing some of my classmates to run screaming down the aisle grabbing for a groom.  Whomever was male—upright and breathing —with the ability to say “I do” was the lucky groom.  Then it was the biological clock—if you didn’t have children by a certain age you weren’t going to.  The bad decisions made from hysteria were terrifying to watch. People would constantly ask me about marriage and family.  When I’d ask why they pushed me so hard, the response always the same, “it’s the thing to do”.  Good thing the “thing to do” was not to dive over a cliff screaming camp songs.  

Now those same classmates, who were the most critical, are either in miserable marriages or divorced.  Isn’t it interesting how people move from one rut to another?  The mantra changes but the rut is the same.

Please allow me to share some of the most memorable, yet useless, I’ve heard to date:

“It’s the thing to do”

“I’m stuck here”

“My job sucks”

The more interesting ones:

“I’m not for sale”

“I love my kids”

Every single one of the above—excuses.  

Don’t believe me?

Let’s walk through it.  

“It’s the thing to do”—it’s easier to follow than to lead.  Why is following a crowd the thing to do?  Ever watched movies that were cool when they are first released, yet 20 years later they are hilarious as to what was considered the “thing to do”?  Set your own path.  I am from a very small rural town.  The “thing to do” was to get married and have children.   I’m not saying that isn’t a good thing to do.  I’m saying it isn’t something to be done just because.  I’m also saying those choosing not to have kids should not be ridiculed for it.  My focus was to learn, grow and develop a skillset which brings value to people.  Did I take a ton of criticism because I did not have children?  Absolutely.  Horrible criticism.  However, some of my harshest critics called to ask me for help when their marriages fell apart and their kids developed their own lives.  Interesting how critics, in desperation, become your greatest proponent.  

“I’m stuck here” — this one is a mindset.  It basically states I’m so unwilling to challenge change, I’d rather sit here in misery.  

“My job sucks” — we are sitting in an economy with a shortage of workers.  Money is not any reason to stay anywhere.  Ever heard the phrase, “a salary is the drug your employer gives you to forget your dreams.”  If you aren’t happy—challenge the change.  Polish your resume.  Put yourself out there.  If you continue to wait for the “right time”, you’ll waste precious time in your life and nothing will happen. 

As for the last two mantras:  “I’m not for sale” and “I love my kids”.  In my experience, those are typically spoken by the person who actually is very superficial with zero reason to be portentous yet they are and actually happen to be very much for sale but can’t find anyone willing to make an offer.  As for the “I love my kids”— who are they trying to convince?  Don’t all parents love their kids?  Why does it need to be declared?  Don’t argue with these people as it’s useless.  I had to train myself to let these type win arguments on purpose to preserve my mental health.  Banging your head against the wall expecting the wall to crumble is more productive. 

These negative mantras are all useless to make people feel somehow justified with whatever.  Leave those people declaring noise right where they belong—in the noise.  You can’t expect honesty from people who lie to themselves.  

The most difficult thing is to focus on your dreams; the easiest is to complain.  

What holds most people back? The story. The story they have convinced themself. The story they focus on—they tell whenever someone will listen. The story of how bad they have it—the reason they’re in misery—the factors making them too lazy to do the work to be happy. The work they refuse to do to be happy. To rewrite the story. Do the work to fix the story.

Positive mantras have a purpose.  They give focus-clarity.  Things like, “you can do this” or “you deserve it”.   Those mantras giving you the little burst of badass you need to set the goal and make it happen.  

To get a better perspective, why don’t people instead of making resolutions they can not keep, work diligently on being a better person than the prior year.  Benchmark yourself against yourself.  That simple.  Let that be your signal to focus on.  

We are all human.  In 2023, challenge yourself to make mistakes.  Grow from those mistakes.  

I made a ton of mistakes in 2022.  To give you some rhetorical perspective— I am the master of tripping over my feet—falling on the floor—getting up—only to walk into the wall.  Were my mistakes uncomfortable?  Absolutely.  Did I learn and grow?  Most definitely.  They created the opportunity for me to make the biggest changes.   

The most uncomfortable challenges give us the most rewarding growth.  

If you set a goal and fail—so what.  As long as you gave it everything you have and learned something— regroup and try again.  You will grow from each attempt and eventually you will succeed.  Remember, the past is a place of reference.  It is not a residence.  

You don’t need 1000 self help books.  All you need is action and self discipline.    

If you are making mistakes— you are embracing life—trying new things—creating adventure—learning—living—pushing yourself—changing yourself—and changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something new and catapulting away from getting in a rut.  You are adapting. 

My wish for you, and all of us in 2023. Make new mistakes. Make glorious, amazing, sometimes embarrassing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Make terrifying mistakes.  Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry about what others will think, do not focus on if it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect.  Whatever you challenge yourself to do— a new hobby—picking up an old hobby—finding a new relationship—or leaving a toxic one—whatever you’ve always wanted to do in life—do it.  Challenge yourself to make it happen.  

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing —make a goal to do it in 2023.

Make your mistakes, and embrace the ability to transform yourself.

May your new year bring you courage—strength—encouragement and success!

Embrace the adventure of 2023!