Stressed

Are you stressed lately?  There is a ton going on in the world.  We went from worried about running out of toilet paper unable to leave our homes in fear of catching a deadly virus in a widespread pandemic —to a housing shortage—slipping into a failed banking crisis.  If you watch the news—the world is a mess of catastrophes.  I keep hearing my grandmother’s words of, “this too shall pass”.  My thoughts are —pass to what?! 

One thing is for sure— we are going to face more “unprecedented” situations.  My advice?  Focus on what is within your control.   Be present—show up to handle whatever is thrown at you.  One of my friends joked the other day.  She stated, “I don’t know what energy you are giving off sister—but your world is very unique.”  Which made me think.  “Unique”.  If unique is defined as a roller coaster of highs and lows mixed in with a random koo koo kachoo—then it is a perfect description.  

No matter the high or the low—I focus on what is within my control.  Staying on top of nutrition, exercise, sleep, and stress levels make it possible for me to keep my focus, ready to handle the next inevitable rollercoaster.

Make no mistake about it—everyone has a roller coaster.  When your life is at a low point—everyone else’s life will optically be perfect.  Do not let optics fool you.  The other constant—when you call people out on their truth—they will avoid you.   Stay the course.  

Honesty—Integrity—Trust.  Those are my mantra.  

I grew up in farm country.  My rural roots keeping me grounded.  Moving to the East Coast was an eye opener.  Recently, many have been asking me the differences I notice from farm country to metropolis life.  Have you heard people say, “salt of the earth”?  How I define this.  I grew up with a focus on hard work and honesty.  Your word was what defined your value.  How you treat people.  How you made them feel.  My parents and grandparents focused on what they built within me—not what money they were setting me up with.  In their mind, what they taught would help me become a productive member of society.  Earn a living.  Be happy and fulfilled in my life.  Moving to a major metro area, I noticed everyone defining themself by their financial portfolio.  Ever wonder why the second generation of wealth is typically bankrupt by the time they reach their 50’s?  Look at the statistics.  What you are given isn’t as important as what you are taught.  Your instincts.  Ever noticed the stress in people trying to live up to a successful parent, sibling or friend?  

After nearly dying—twice—I’ve come to a point in life where happiness comes before anything else.  A quiet walk on the beach—a morning swim—an honest hug from someone who truly cares—puppy snuggles—these are the simple things which mean so much.  All of the money in the world can not create happiness.  Nor can it fill the empty void left behind by loneliness.  

I’ve spoken about HIM in prior posts.  It never ceases to amaze me how he can say he cares and yet cause so much pain.   One small move on my part could cause him to ignore me for days—months—years.  Only to resurface angry declaring, “after everything I’ve done for you!”  Dysfunction —it erupts to destroy the calm in our lives.  What he doesn’t realize is while he is ghosting—gaslighting—angry—or whatever it is he thinks he is justified in doing—he is isolating himself from the important things life has to offer.  It breaks my heart to think of the loneliness of his world when he is left alone at the end or beginning of the day. Unable to devote and honestly share life with a partner. When a man can look you in the eye and lie to you without any guilt—run.  When a man does not see your worth—walk away.  When anyone makes fun of your world or defines you by your finances and not your character—focus your energy elsewhere.

My life is very simple—happy—complete.  I do not need much for things to be fulfilled.  

It took me a long time to get here.  I used to be a big ball of stress.  Focused on everything and anything upsetting.  If something reminded me of a childhood trauma—I’d get angry.  When I felt judged by people who had no reason to judge—I took the defensive.  If anyone thought I couldn’t accomplish something—I completed it twice and took pics.  Overachievement was how I soothed the nerves. Why?  What did I have to prove to anyone?  

Before any of you hit a brick wall like me—please allow me to share my epiphany.  To massively reduce your stress and get to a happy life.  

Find gratitude.  Every morning think about the wonderful things in your life.  Write them down if you need to.  We all have things to be grateful for.  Don’t you dare think about things you want, need or desire during this time.  Focus on what you have.  

Get outside.  There is a reason life calms down during the morning hours and amplifies at night.  Take a deep breath—go outside.  Sit in the sun.  Forget about the podcasts, music or social media.  Check out and listen to nature.  Breathe—think—be present.  

Exercise.  This is the most stress reducing antidote we have and the least utilized.  Figure out what you love to do and do it.  Biking—hiking—swimming—walking—whatever.  Get moving.  You don’t have to be good at it. I can trip over my own feet—and do—often. When people are there to witness it—I just laugh it off and keep going.

Give yourself some grace.  In today’s society we are so focused on everyone else’s definition of “success”.  Some of the loneliest, most miserable people I know have millions upon millions of dollars, yet lack the most precious things money can not buy.  Companionship—respect—true, devoted, unconditional love.  

Women are judged so harshly these days.  If we aren’t married it’s because we are not worthy.  If we are married —we settled. Sadly, women are harshest on each other.  Those that have children look down on those who do not.  Those married—judge why the others are not.  Remember my grandmother’s words as I do, “if you marry a man for money—you will earn every cent.”  Truer words have never been spoken.  I have never and would not ever be with anyone for money.  I’d rather live in a box under a bridge that I could pay for than a multimillion dollar home with no happiness.  What do I believe after experiencing the harshest of judgement?

When you choose who you spend your life with—you’re also choosing who you want to be in the world.  Read that again.  Ask yourself who you truly want to be.  Set an example for yourself and to others.  You can not make this choice until you know who you really are.  Which means spending time with yourself to define it.  Acknowledge.  Once you have discovered, accepted and delighted in your true self and all it’s glory—then the decision becomes clear.  

When you are the you—YOU want to be—then everything else is just gravy.  

To get there, you can’t let society—or anyone individually tell you how to define you.  

Be grateful.  Be honest.  Appreciate all life has to offer in its most simplistic form. 

Remember to breathe.

Give yourself some grace.

Hold your chin up.

And strut!

Be healthy!